Happy New Year Hawaii...on Jersey Time?

So my New Year's is officially over and it's only 8:03.
This was the first New Year's I have spent alone... EVER... and I'm 33.

Being a Jersey girl trapped on this island for New Year's isn't the easiest thing to deal with. I'm used to snow and cold .. and today it was 80 and raining. As long as I live ...I'll never get used to that. It never feels like December.

I was going to go hang out with a friend.. but I woke up feeling like shit and I hate driving home in the smoke. It's legal to shoot fireworks here so the island turns into a giant smokefield where you can't see 3 inches in front of your face, which makes driving a big hazard. The fact that I would be driving with the kid in the car was a big "I'll pass" for me.

I thought the hub might try to call when it turned midnight Iraq time. I hung around the house til about 11:15 just to see .. but no dice. On with the rest of the day.

I went to the super crowded post office today. I needed to send the hub his first box of stuff today. It's been almost 3 years since the last time I had to send a box to " the sandbox " and I couldn't remember if I filled out the customs paperwork correctly so I decided to pass on the click n ship and head over there.

I figured New Year's eve wouldn't be that busy .......boy was i wrong.

Every Army wife under the sun was there to ship hubby a Christmas box and I thought I was going to be there forever. There was about 10 people in front of me when I got there but the line went really quick. I got up to the window and (score!) I had filled out everything right (I love flat rate boxes, $8.95 to ship a box to Iraq ... that rules!) The line when I left was crazy it was out the post office and down the stairs almost into the parking lot. I'm glad I got there when I did... the punkin would've never lasted that long. From now on..click and ship baby.

I got home.. put the punkin down to take her nap. When she woke up she felt hot, so I used the ear thermometer... I took her temp it was 102. I'm a very paranoid parent.. especially being here alone so I call my mom. "I think she has a fever.. but I think I could've used the thermometer wrong. Should I take her to the hospital"

Whenever I get paranoid about the kid it always involves.. " Oh my god.. we should take her to the hospital" .. my hub the medic always talks me off the ledge and assures me I'm insane and she's fine. Well since he's not here.. I call mommy. She tells me I prolly used the thing wrong .. her Blankets during her nap made her hot and flushed , give her some baby tylenol and she'll call me back in a half hour. She does.. and punkin's fine...temp was a little high due to the teething but nowhere near 102.

Now thanx to CNBC and Carson Daly I got to celebrate New Year's on East Coast time.. live from Time's Square via my television set. The punkin got to watch the ball drop with her crazy mom.. yelling..... "happy new year" and singing "New york, new york" terribly I might add cuz I couldn't remember all the words.

I would've gone outside and banged pots and pans(it's an old skool New York italian thing)... but 1) it was only 7pm here, so the neighbors would've thought I was insane.. and 2) since I live in housing the MPs would've come cuz I was breaking some ordinance. ( Someone down the street is lightingfireworks.. where are the MPs now?)

Mom called to wish me Happy New Year(NJ time) and check on the punkin.. who was still fine. After we hung up I put the kid to bed who went right to sleep cuz it was right near her bedtime and her crackhead mom made her stay up to watch the ball drop.

Now I'm watching the Law and Order:CI marathon on USA til one of the other New Years eve show's start here on Hawaii time. I'm debating between Dick Clark and Tila Tequila on MTV. I kinda wanna watch her just cuz she's like Jerry Springer /Howard Stern. You never know what's gonna happen next... and Paramore is gonna play! (I heart paramore).

Here's to hoping the hub calls at midnight (hawaii time)

P.S.-Happy new year, thanx for taking the time to read about my life and may all our hubby's (deployed or not yet deployed) have a safe new year and return home to us exactly the way they left us.

.......cya next year.

Damn you Avril Lavigne.... Dam you.

That stupid bitch turned me into a crying mess., I'll get to that in a minute, but I'm sure you can guess why.

Anyways, It's been a very stressful few days since Christmas... all work related. It's always work related. arggghhh. Since Christmas we've had 2 floor sets.. so I had to be at work at 7am this morning after getting home at 11pm. Thank god my babysitter is a godsend and is totally ok with keeping the punkin overnight. I'm a tired chic.

Last night the hub called me at work, the first call since Christmas eve. Luckily last night was relatively slow so when he called I got to talk to him a whole 2 minutes. He's been sick, little bit of a head cold. He was very proud of me ,when he told me the medication the doc gave him , I knew what it was. Amazing what you pick up when your hubby's a medic.

Then he told me the story of the broken ipod.. it didn't just crash......

He threw it..

When I said why.. he said it was better then punching someone. ( I'm ok with that) so he bought himself a new one. The $350 super duper gajillion gig one.. but I'm ok with that too. I'd rather have him spend a few extra dollars now then punch someone and lose those dollars on a paycheckly basis.

He Asked how the kid was.. what we did on Christmas.. normal stuff.. then the abrupt " I gotta go, love you and the punkin.. try and call you later." hang up. sigh. The rest of the night I was totally unmotivated.

Then there was today. Let me start by saying I hate Sundays at the mall... all the freaks come out. The easiest way to explain it is like when you go to the grocery store or walmart at 3 am and the only people in there, are the people who don't come out during the daylight. That's what sundays are like on on a way lesser scale. So that was most of my day.. freaks, pains in the ass and mallrats. I hate mallrats.... my kid is NEVER allowed to go to the mall if she has no money or shopping agenda when she's a teenager.

I get out early at 330, go to the siitters, pick up the kid,come home, assemble the hubs first care package, feed and then put the kid to sleep.

There's nothing on TV due to this stupid writers strike so I decide to go through the music choice on demand. For 2 hours I flip through every random video possible. The new Spill Canvas video absolutely rocks!

Then comes Avril... "when you're gone". I know I shouldn't of watched this considering I've been a highly emotional freakazoid lately but it was like calling me. So I watched it... by the end of the video I was a crying mess on the couch..so I watched a Say Anything video and made some hot cocoa..It made me feel a little better.

Now there was a flash flood warning accross the TV. sigh. stupid rain.

Moral of the story... F U Avril... and excessive rain blows.

Oh and I still haven't met the new neighbors. Maybe I'll go introduce myself tomorrow.

3 weeks down ......a lot more to go.

It's been 3 weeks and I'm doing pretty well...... most of the time. I'm a trooper.. yea, let's go with that.

Hubby called the crack of dawn Christmas eve and then sent me an email asking for stuff... but haven't heard from him since. I've come to the realization that his emails from now on ...will just consistently ask for things, but whatev. His ipod crashed.. so I'm waiting for that request for Valentine's Day.

Christmas was pretty good. Me and the kid hung out at my friends neighbors house. It was decent times.. better than staying here alone. I took some pictures. This is the second Christmas that the hub has missed and it's the kids second christmas.. so you do the math.

We got new neighbors today... I haven't met them yet. They look normal.. so I'm assuming they're not crackhead ghetto trash like the chic upstairs.

The chic upstairs.. I'll call her crackhead, ( CH for short). CH cheats on her husband while he is in Iraq. He finds out while he's there... comes home on R&R obviously fight insues, MPs called. yada yada. Now he's home....HE has to live in the barracks, CH gets to stay in the house and the boyfriend comes and goes.. while the divorce is finalized.

So explain to me this.. CH cheats on him while he's at war... and she gets to stay.... what kind of bullshit is that? Everytime they are both here together.. something happens and MPs are called. How many times do MPs have to come before they get kicked out of housing. I keep my fingers crossed that day comes sooner than later.

Well that's all I got.. maybe something exciting will happen before New Year's.

The email.

I love seeing the hub's email address in my inbox. Serendipity. It's a very rare thing cuz usually he calls but today there it was when I woke up this morning.

At first it's business as usual.yada yada. then he ends..." Love u and the pumpkin so much cant wait untill im home again" Little things that make me tear up, I do that a lot now over stupid things. I really wish he was home and it totally sucks that Christmas is days away.

That's how my day started.

Then I went to work.

Then got better, cuz I had starbux..
then worse,cuz customers are stupid,
then better, one of my favorite jarhead customers just got back from Japan and he's ridiculously entertaining.... then I go home.

I picked up the pumpkin. My hours this time of year are so crazy I leave her overnight at the sitters. I never get to see her anymore.... sometimes I think that she thinks the babysitter is her mom. She screams when I pick her up to go home.. I know it's cuz she's tired but it still hurts my feeling a bit.

Then I think about the hub and how sad he gets when I tell him that she walked for the first time and he wasn't there. . When he called to just talk to her and he heard her say hi.."Was that her? " he asks, I say yes and tell him she's been saying hi for a few days now... he was so surprised. ( He missed both milestones by less then 2 weeks)I know he worries that she won't know who he is when he gets home. She'll be almost 2 1/2 then.... and he'll have missed alot. I wan't to promise him that she will and that it'll be fine, so I do, but I'm not so sure.

Anyways, I take the punkin home, as soon as I put her in the pack-n play off to sleep she goes. Here I sit, another night alone. I watch an old episode of House I DVR'd from last week, check the myspace (yes I have a myspace and no you can't know what it is) leave some comments. then write this.

That's my night.... I think I'll go make some tea.

Dependency sucks.

I'm a very independent chic, but I'm not afraid to admit when I need help.

Right now I still don't need help.

I do however rely on a few people, which sucks for me, being so used to independency. Luckily my list of WHO I need to rely on is relatively short. I need my babysitter and my staff. If one of those things gets screwed up it throws my whole life into upheavel.

This week my staff fucked me, not all of them, just one. I won't go into major details just yet, if ever, just know that I am one pisst off bitch right now. Unfortunitely that one cog screws up the whole chain. The week before Christmas that's the last thing I need.

I have a job that you can't call out without screwing up everyone elses lives. I don't sit at a desk and process numbers so if you dont show up no big deal. I have a job that if you dont show up your store doesnt open and you dont make any money. The week before Christmas.. that's a very bad thing.

That being said ,I love my job. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world but sometimes being the boss blows. I'm in charge, so if someone doesn't show and no one else can cover.. it's me. I do it, not by choice.. cuz I don't have a choice.

The other night, that's what happened. Usually I don't mind, I leave the kid with the hub and off I go. There's no hub to leave the kid with, and I'm not going to make the babysitter work her 8th straight day in a row for an hour at 11 pm, , so I had to take her to work. On my day off.

Does anyone actually know what it's like to take a 1 year old to the mall at 10 pm at night for a hour and a half.

It sucks.

She was pretty good for a while, until she got super tired and cranky. We tried to be entertaining. The 2 girls I had working with me were super good sports about the whole thing and totally tried to entertain her while I worked. They wheeled her around the store in her stroller, gave her those little puffy things( which I refer to as Kid-crack) and danced with her around the store. I'm incredibly blessed my sales team likes me otherwise I prolly would've been majorly screwed. It's hard to count money and hold a baby at the same time.

Finally, I'm done. We've collected all the trash, straightened everything, closed the registers, just about on the way out the door and what happens.

The "pumpkin" pees...not just in her diaper, but through her diaper, through the stroller and in a nice little puddle on the floor under her stroller. " oh pumpkin". I do have to admit though it was kind of funny to actually see the little sprinkle trickle out on my sales floor.

So I do what every good mom does... pull her out of the stroller, change her diaper, clean up her little puddle with antibactiarial windex and paper towels and carry her out while I push the stroller. Sigh, oy vey.

The second I put her in the car seat she was out like a light. So peaceful. 3 Doors Down plays in the car and I enjoy my ride home.

I can't wait til next week is over.

Ok , now what?

I totally thought that when started this little endevor that every day I would come up with somthing clever and witty to write. Instead I really don't. When people say life goes on.. it really does.

Every day I get up, get dressed, get the baby up. Somedays she goes to the sitters, somedays she doesn't. Most days I go to work. Either way..it's the same as before only now I do it all by myself, alot more tired.... and way more sad.

Christmastime really blows....it's depressing. I can see how people kill themselves over the holidays. Now before anyone gets all panickey., I'm not suicidal. I don't have time for that... I'm way too busy and stressed out,lol. Besides.. then my kid will prolly end up having some "skank" as a stepmom.... I digress.

This year I put up no decorations...correction, I put a $3.00 wreath from walmart on the door. Call me Scrooge but I see no reason to put up decorations that no one will enjoy or that my kid is too little to understand. I work/commute like 60 hours a week, I barely see my kid, I never see my husband and I'm barely ever home. Coming home to an empty house every day just plain sucks. So why go through the effort to put them all up just to take them down.( myself) No real point to that. I can enjoy the lighted palm trees at work. (You just can't understand the concept of a lighted palm tree unless you live in "paradise")

Also, all day I watch people buy presents for other people. Living far away is a great money saver.. it means you really don't have to buy presents for anyone.. also means I'll get no presents in return. Checks and gift cards are great but some wrapped presents would've been nice. Hubby got presents before he left.. what did I get, jack shit. I got a " Buy what you want with money from the next check", a kiss on the head and a see ya in so -in-so months. Not the same thing, but thanx, I'd rather get nothing.

Don't get me wrong, it doesn't totally suck... At least my house doesn't get as dirty.

End of week one. The calm and the quiet.

So since the Firsesone fiasco... nothing really exciting has happened. MY life now basically resolves around my pumpkin and work. Oh so exciting.

Its seems as if the days are all starting to blend. Sunday I picked up the pumpkin's Christmas pictures and she's so ridiculously adorable I can't even stand it.

After sunday, the pumpkin peed through her diaper and soaked the pack-n-play, but honestly I can't even tell you what day. It sucked though , cuz she she's sleeps in my room and I use her crib basically as a place to store her clothes. So trying to empty the crib and get her to sleep in a place that she's not familiar with, at like midnight, is super inconveient. Needless to say, she didn't sleep and I had to wait til her pack n play was dry before she went back to sleep.

Monday the hub's sister went to have a baby checkup and they decided to induce her labor. So after 19 hours( yes i said 19) of labor.. they had to give her a c-section. Fuck that shit.. that's why I OPTED for a c-section. Tuesday, little baby "J"was born.... he's adorable. My hubs family apparently makes great looking kids. It's actually why I married him,lol. She was kinda bummed that her bro counldn't be there... but I sent the hub a text message ( Yes the cel phone works in undisclosed location #1) and he called her and all was good with the world.

Now here we are. End of week one. Not so bad. The baby is at the babysitters so I have the first peace and quiet I've had since the hub left. I kind of enjoy the solitude. I miss him bunches and bunches but in a way it's like he's not really away(he just called asking for money,typical,lol). I'm totally waiting for the hard part to start. I know it's coming.

I'm totally in the calm before the storm.

Day two. Umm, yea... I need to talk to your District Manager

Ok so I figure day two will be a little better.. I was half right

I get up... correction.. the pumpkin wakes me up. Later than usual (about 730) so I don't complain. Now I have to deal with the busted tire.I take a shower and eat some cereal and call Firestone about 830ish. I get this dude on the phone.

" Hi I blew a tire last night and I have to be at work by 230 so I was hoping I could have it fixed by then"

He proceeds to tell me yes as long as I have the car there by 10. I get crackin.. get the baby loaded and head over. Driving past the exact same spot I was stuck in yesterday. I harbor no resentment(personally I think I should be reimbursed by GOD since it is an act of Nature)

I get to the place at 9:37... expecting to wait with my car. The dude tells me that since theres a donut on my car, I can leave the tire and someone will call me when it gets looked at.

Sweet! It can't take that long ...its a tire right..... WRONG!

So I go home and wait for the call. I go to the shoppette, get some milk and baby food. come back do some laundry. I Call the sitter and work and tell them both I'm gonna be late. So about 12:45 I call and try to find the status of my car.

The person on the phone says.. I don't know. I say can you check when I called this morning I told them I had to be at work by 230... its just a tire. The dude puts me on hold, comes back and tells me I'm the next work order on the thing. I think Sweet, it's a tire, it'll be totally done by 230.

So I finish getting ready for work drop the kid off at the babysitters and head to Firestone.

I get there and I'm like I'm here to see if my tire is ready. The guy looks me up and says no .. no one has looked at it yet. (the tire has been here since 930, but whatever)

"Well, when I called this morning I told the dude on the phone that I needed to have the tire fixed by 230 and if I had it here by 10 it would be. So you're telling me my tire has been here since 9:30 this morning and no one has even looked at it"

The dude proceeds to tell me no and the tire guy( there's a fuckin tire guy) is on his break, he'll be back in 15 . I'll have to wait.

Ok, 15 minutes not that bad. Now anyone who knows me, knows I have a short fuse when it comes to incompetent people and customer service. I work in retail.. so I know how I should be treated and this was definitely not it.

Luckily for me.. Firestone is attached to a convenient store. So I pick up a coke and a fast break bar and sit. Next to me is some dude on the phone talking to who cares. Then theres this other dude who apparently has been there as long as I have but actually had to stay there. The jist he told me was this was his second time there cuz they fucked up what they did the first time.

As I'm waiting my phone rings.. its my stepdad. I'm telling him the story with the tire. Rather loudly I might add.. so apparently they hear me and come out.

"Miss... the tire can't be fixed it has to be replaced. The new tire will be $96."

Ok.. so now I'm furious. They've had this tire all fuckin day. It's now 2 pm. This dude comes in from his break takes one look at the tire and says it can't be fixed. If it was that easy why couldn't he have done that first thing this morning. It took all of 2 fuckin seconds.. after all.. IT"S A GOD DAM TIRE!

" OK, so replace it. let get it on the car, I've got to go to work" He goes back inside. Just as this is going down phone rings. It's the hubby from undisclosed location #1. I explain to him whats going on.. he starts playing 20 questions. you ok, hows the baby. what happened. you changed the tire yourself. I'm like all is well and I continue as I am.. the guy comes out and says ok.. we can put the tire on the car but it's gonna take a few hours. A FEW HOURS?

I tell hub I have to go.. sorry I can't talk but I have to take care of this. He can tell I'm completely fumming and understands.I sadly hang up.

Now I'm all business mode and I'm pisst.

I go inside and theres this chic now behind the counter.

"Scott just came out and told me he could put the tire on the car but it's gonna take a few hours. what's a few hours?"

We have to fit you in between appointments so about another 3 or 4 hours.
(Did this chic just say 3 or 4 hours? To put a tire on the car)

That's it, I've had enough...

"That's not acceptable. You've had this tire since 930 this morning. I was told that itd be ready by the time I have to go to work, I got here at 130 and the tire hadnt even been looked at. The dude comes back from break and with in 5 minutes he looks at the tire and says he needs to be replaced. Why couldn't that have been done this morning since it took 5 minutes. Now here we are at 230 and I'm still here in the same situation I was this morninng. It's a tire"

She looks at me and says" I understand its a tire ma'am but we have to go in order of the appointments."

Is she kidding....

" I understand you have to go in order of appointments, but sometimes when theres a customer issue.. things get put out of order and somethings need to get taken care of first. Like this. I'm a store manager.. I know how things work.. I want the # for your District manager"

She writes it down on a business card and I ask for his name. she gives me his name. As she's standing there I whip out the cel phone, dial the # and walk into the waiting area. I see her turn and head towards the back as I walk out. No more than 20 seconds later , the manager comes out, asks for my keys, he's gonna take care of my car, 5 minutes later I'm on my way to work.

This whole interaction took a total of 25 minutes.If it was only gonna take 25 minutes then why couldn't they have done it first thing in the morn and it would've never come to this. Seriously.

Sometimes you don't need a man for car issues when your a girl.. all you need is an inner bitch.

Day One. Nighttime.

So remember that those potholes I talked about in the last blog.. well this is where that pothole comes into play.

Let me tell you this was not your average pothole... it was a sinkhole.. a sinkhole the size of UGANDA...(once again I exagerate but you get the idea.) Do you remember I mentioned about the power going out. Here's the equation:

Pothole+ Power Outage + dark road = very bad thing.(and so the second part of my night ends).

I'm driving home from work... it's like 11:45 pm.. I've just picked up the kid from the babysitters house and now I'm headed home. I'm driving down the road.. a dark road with no lights(power outage).. and as I take the bend in the road to head towards my house.. there's this big boom sound. I continue to drive and my car starts to shake.

I know that feeling ... for I am one with my car. I heart my car therefore when somethings outta whack I can tell. This shake is definitely a blown tire.

I think to myself.. I'm not that far away I can make it home... but the logical part says.. if you try you'll destroy your rim and that'll be boo-coo bux. I pull over.

Usually I'm pretty calm in stressful situations but here I am, on the side of the road, a dark road, little baby in the car, in the middle of the night.. all by myself.

Now what? Hubby left this morning(figures) , squatter has left too(wouldnt have done me any good anyways cuz I dont have his phone #'s) So I do what any girl in my situation does... I start to cry and call my mommy. My mom is 4000 miles away and its like 4:45 am there.. so I wake them up out of a sound sleep.

I'm sure I freaked my mom out calling that early but I think she was too asleep to realize. I tell her what happens and she hands the phone to my stepdad. He now proceeds to try and walk me through the changing of the tire.... from NJ.

Here I am crying trying to change this tire... in the dark working only by... the light of my cel phone. It's raining, it's dark. Every few minutes a car drives by and no one stops to help. Not that I'm surprised.. people are crazy.. and I lost all faith in mankind years ago.

I manage to get the car jacked up and the tire off but I can't get the spare on.. so here I am trying to get the tire up.. raising the car a little more.. struggling with the tire.. raising the car.. struggling with the tire. this battle went on for what felt like forever .. I start crying again thinking I'm going to be stuck on the side of the road because I can't get the spare on and I start freaking out. Cursing up a storm.. I came this close to actually kicking the car off the jack.( that wouldn't have been very beneficial for me. though, especially with the pumpkin IN the car.)

Instead I scream.. I'm in the middle of a fuckin pineapple field, there's no one around so I scream.... one of those horror movie bloodcurdling screams. It did absolutely nothing to help the situation but it made me feel a whole lot fuckin better.

At that my stepdad does the best thing ever ... he starts to yell at me on the phone. Telling me I need to focus and my screaming and cursing is gonna wake up the "pumpkin"(she was still awake). If I'd stop crying and wipe the tears from my eyes I'd have changed the tire 15 minutes ago and I'd be home already.

He was right, I sucked it up... stopped crying, changed the tire and got on my merry way. The whole think took about 45 minutes beginning to end. Granted I was soaking wet and a muddy mess but I felt accomplished. I can now change a tire.

Hubby just left and this is day one... can't get any worse right????
Only a lot more days to go,lol.

Day one/morning.

So on the day before my hubby left we got hit with this ridiculous typhoon like thunderstorm. (Blessing in disguise he wasn't able to deploy and got bumped an extra day)Trees went down, power was lost.. potholes were formed. Now make a note... potholes are the important part of the next story.

So the remnents of this crazy storm were felt the next day. So this whole side of the island was still a BIG disaster area. Due to the lack of power and down power lines one of the access gates on to base were closed..

So let me start by saying .. my husband had to be there at the CRACK OF FUCKIN DAWN. Now anyone in the military knows... that the crack of dawn is also when you have PT. Now here's the visual... all 6 gajillion soldiers(I exagerate) are now all trying to get on base at the same time with one less gate. No shit it took almost a half hour to go like 100 yards.. and this is at 05:15 am. So finally we get through the gate and get to where he has to be and the following words come out of his mouth.." Oh shit, I left my Kevlar at the house".

Now for all you non military folk a Kelvar is something very important when going into a War Zone. It's that thing you wear on your head so the bullets don't go through it. ... so yea kinda important.

So now I have to go back to the house and get this thing. Before those words I was really sad... now I was pisst... which was I good thing cuz now I was too annoyed to cry. Now on a normal day it wouldn't have been so bad... but now I have to drive home.... look for the thing .. and then try and get back on base with the other 6 gajillion cars that were also getting on base. Now I'm cranky, tired, it's not even 6am and I still haven't had any coffee.

While in the car on the way home.. my phone rings. i answer cuz it's the hub. he says " hey hun i also forgot this, this , this and this." Are you fuckin kidding me dude. Now I know he's leaving for an undisclosed amount of time... but I'm still pisst. I get to the house.. wake up the dude sleeping on my couch, I'll call him the squatter(whole other story.. no pun intended) and am like "i need these things I don't know what they are, you have to help". Now me and squatter are looking for things and I can't find anything but the kelvar. I call hub and the is the message i leave.

" Hey I can't find the fuckin thing, and it'd be really nice if you answered your fuckin phone". The funny part of this message being that when my husband wants to hear my voice and calls to listen to the last message I leave him over and over again.. That's what he'll hear. It omly would've been funnier if I had called him a fucktard.

So anyway he's calls me back, I put squatter on the phone who proceeds to find everything hubby was looking for. So I get baby, get back in car and drive back to base.. only to sit in the now what seems like 7 gajillion cars getting through the gate.

Ring.. ring. " yes" i answer.. " why are you not here yet?" I look around at all the cars in front and in back of me and say" I stopped for Dunkin donuts". FYI.. there's no Dunkin donuts in hawaii. " Not funny" he says. " i'm stuck in traffic , where do you think I am.. I'll get there when I get there.. hang up.

About 10 minutes later.. I get back to where he is and he meets me at the car, to get his stuff and we walk into the building area.

Now the over whelming seriousness of what's about to happen actually has started to sink in. There are all these soldiers that are saying good-bye to there wives, kids, parents etc. Everything that has transpired in the last hour doesn't even matter anymore. He is leaving and won't be back for a really long time and this impending sadness starts. We hang out for a while, spend a little quiet time in his office, feed the baby. I do really well for a while and then I start to tear up.

It's time to go.. all the buses have arrived and everyone starting to go. We hug for a while and I see him cry... my hubby never cries. He says bye to the "pumpkin"(our kid) and kisses her on the head. She's too young to understand.. I'm glad for that. We are both crying and he tells me I should go. We kiss goodbye and tell each other " I Love you".. I tell him don't do anything stupid. he smirks. We kiss again.. the last kiss til he comes home.. say our byes and love yous once again and I head toward the car.

I put the pumpkin in her car seat and sit in the drivers seat and cry. Just for a few minutes though...I pull myself together and start the car because... I still have to go to work.

Fuck.

And so it begins.....

Here I sit... crying my eyes out to some lame ass Lifetime Christmas movie. Well, ok so it's really not that lame... the one about the kid and the Christmas Shoes for his dying mom. The only good thing about my hubby being deployed is he is not here to make fun of me right now for being some crying emotional sap.

So....I decided to start this blog cause I feel it will be theraputic. I'm sure there are other wives out there who will read this and totally relate, or some deployed husband who can finally get a slight glimpse into what the wives they've left behind(not by choice mind you) actually feel and go through while they're gone. There will be certain things that will be pretty vague cuz I don't want to go all Geraldo and give up any National security shit . Also, I like my anonimity. I like being just some chic writing whatever she wants and no one being able to be like " hey you're that chic". Thanx buddy , I am and I know.

My hubby deployed to "the sandbox" within the last week, in those recent days since he left has been very stressful. We have a daughter who is a little more than a year old, my family is about 4000 miles away seperated by 5 hours and an ocean. So basically.. here I am all alone, with a little kid on a rock in the middle of the ocean. Life doesn't get any better than this.... NOT!

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those little girls all weepy , sad and panicked about what to do.I'm 33, college (sorority) educated, jersey girl, full- time job, pretty well put together and prolly one of the strongest women(emotionally) that I know.. but this thing sucks and I will have my moments.

That's what this blog is about.. what my days are like, how I handle stress, and how I feel. Sometimes it'll be sad, angry, funny but most of all (hopefully) always entertaining.

Feel free to share your thoughts, post your comments, good or bad. Share my blog with your friends. I love getting feedback (and attention). Welcome to my little view of life .. from the War(home)Front.