Monday, January 12, 2009

RIP Shell Belle

Thursday Morning at apprx 2am The Hub's mom died.

It was a huge shock.. no one expected it quite this fast.

It's been a very heartbreaking week all around. I'm very grately that he was able to be home and spend the last week of her life with her. I wish I would've been able to be home to support him. Unfortunitely that didn't happen.

As I wrote in my last post the doctors had given her a longer life expectancy than it actually turned out to be. After surgery everyone was very positive that she would be able to have somewhat of a coherent quality of life. The first 2 days after surgery, she was able to somewhat talk ,sit up and eat very puree'd food.

Unfortunitely she ended up having an Acute Mol Siezure.(i think I spelled that right).

After that she basically stopped responding and stopped eating.. the doctors told my Hub and family she had about 48 hours. They moved her into hospice and tried to make her as comfortable as possible. The Hub, his dad and his sis.. basically moved into the Hospital and waited. Almost exactly 48 hours from the time of the last prognosis.. she went to sleep for the last time.

Shell was a kick ass lady. She was well loved and will be greatly missed. She pulled no punches and took no shit from anyone. Hub's from a very small town and his family has lived there for decades. She used to own the only beauty parlor in town. She cut everyone's hair and knew everyone. Hub's mom and dad have been together since she was 14 and he was 17 and have shared everything together. I can't even begin to imagine what his loss must be like. When the Hub and I first started dating years ago, she used to call me a cradle-robber cuz I was 20 and he was 18. She'd say that I was always out to corrupt her little boy, if she only knew it was already too late.

I'm sorry that she won't be able to see her grandkids grow up.I'm sad the punkin will have no memories of her grandma. Shell was so excited about us moving so close to home. I'm so sorry and sad for my Hubby's loss..I know he is being so strong for his family... and I wish there was more I could do for him. I can't imagine what the rest of our lives are going to be like without her. It's very sad.


Now in the next 3 days,opposed to sending him home,they are sending him back to Iraq... for less than a month. Basically he gets theres packs up and then gets sent here. Give a guy a break... he just lost his mom and he's got less than a month left of his deployment. I'm worried. I'm afraid he's gonna completely flip his shit when he gets back there. Seriously, what a waste of time and taxpayer money. I think the whole thing is just ridiculous... and I would love to see the Army just once NOT be a bunch of douschebags. That'll never happen.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

When it Rains it Pours.

Well the Hub is at home in NJ...he landed yesterday. Someone being sent home from Iraq and not for R&R means one thing... very bad news.
The Hub's mom was just diagnosed with a Brain Tumor... prognosis..bad, very bad. Let's just say this New Year hasn't turned out so well so far.

Hub's mom in the past 6 years or so has been a very sickly woman. She had major surgery to insert metal rods in her neck, where they didn't know if she was going to live, when he was in Iraq the first time so they sent him home on emergency leave. A few years ago she had a pain pump inserted, so this way they could administer the doses themselves whenever the pain got too bad. Over the years she had started to do things that everyone chalked up to the medication like mood swings, randomly falling asleep and other things that I'm not to sure of.

Well recently the pain had gotten really bad, so they went in to adjust her pain pump.. and on Christmas Eve.. she apparently wasn't really responding to anyone and started throwing up. So they thought she was going into overdose.. and went to the ER to adjust her pump again.

So the day after Christmas... I don't really know what happened but they had to take her back to the ER. At this point they decided to do a CAT scan. The results of the CAT scan showed that she had this tumor.

That night the Hub's sis called me at 730pm my time so I knew something was wrong. That phone call came right in the middle of the giant island wide blackout. From that point on the past week has been nothing but non stop hecticness.

The hub pretty much has instant access to the computer in Iraq.. so I text messaged his email to call me ASAP it was about his mom. Then proceeded to try and send a red cross message. It took almost 2 days for the red cross message to get through and only 2 hours for my hub to call me back. Telling him that his mom had a brain tumor.. and it was pretty bad, was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. Especially him being over there... I felt and still feel terribly helpless.

At this point.. the doctors have the prognosis at very bad.. and the doctors Red Cross message stats that "Life expectancy is poor". I see those words, know how sick she is and think. Bad.

Apparently his commander saw those words and said...

" Not good enough,, I need a better definition of 'life expectancy is poor. what does that mean exactly"


Now.. let me say something. My hub has done his year in the sandbox...he was one of the lucky suckers that got suck in this 15 month rotation bullshit..that only truly affected a few Brigades. What's 2 months off 15.. you seriously can't function the last 2 months without one soldier.

Ok. so now the hub is beside himself. He hasn't been able to see his mom since the punkin was born. Thats' almost 2 1/2 years.. if something happens before he gets home.. I don't know what he'll do.

I'm pisst off.. and think this is complete bull. The fight to get my hub home starts. To see the emails coming through about how upset he is and how he doesn't know what to do kills me. It makes me feel more helpless. So I do what anyone else in my position would do. I start making phone calls. Not Army bullshit phone calls .. f that. I go above that.

Lets just say some phone calls got made.. like Senate phone calls. Needless to say the phone calls didn't really go anywhere... but when I told my Hub that I was doing that.. his packet got signed and he was on his way home in 12 hours.

Don't mess with me or my family... I'll take you down how we do in Jersey.... Politically.

Now that the Hub is home .. I've gotten better details. Sadly, the type of tumor she has is the worst tumor you could possibly get. It's about the size of a Mango. The doctors removed only about 40% of it because they wanted her to have the best quality of life she can for the short amount of time she has. They give her anywhere from 3 months, if they do nothing... 19 months if they try and shrink with the chemo.

I'm not going home. I got permission to go from work as long as I was back for inventory by the 11th.Which really irratated me that I had to be back for that.They sent my Husband home from a war zone but no one can run my inventory. whatever.

I had gotten my plane tickets.. booked the whole 9. The punkin and I were supposed to leave tomorrow. Hubby told us not to come home. He says it's not that he doesn't want us there.. he just doesn't think its a good idea. He gave lots of valid reasons. cost of the ticket, most of the time he'll be at the hospital, what happens if I fly out there and she passes and then then have to fly right back, him and his sister don't want anyone to see her looking the way she looks, etc. I just want to be there for him.. if it was me.. I'd want him there. So as much as it hurts my feelings, I honored his wishes, canceled my tickets and are staying behind.

Now.. here's the next thing.. when his leave is up.. they are sending him back to the box. Is it me.. or does it make no sense that he'll have about 1 month left.. but they are still going to spend the money to fly him ALLL the way back to iraq only to fly him ALLL the way to Hawaii a month later. Wouldn't it make more sense to just send him here. Ohhh our tax dollars at work.

So that's whats up.. sorry my first post of the year is a big sad bummer post. I'm not a religious person.. but if anyone wants to send some prayers this way.. they'll always be appreciated.

I really hope 2009 isn't going to be too terrible.