Thursday, July 10, 2008


I can write this now because the info was finally posted on the news.

So I had my first official "OMG you could really die over there" freak out yesterday. We're at the half way point and I'm really surprised I haven't done that sooner.

The hub emailed me the other night to tell me one of his friends was killed. The guy was out the wire and the vechicle hit a IED. He was a fellow medic and had actually helped the Hub move into our housing from the barracks before I got here.

I had never met him.. but medics are a crazy close nit bunch that see the worst and deal with the worst of the worst. They are all still in kind of shock and disbelief.

The first deployment.. hubby and I weren't officially a couple again yet but it was because he was over there that we basically really reconnected and got back together. He had a semi close call and was skimmed with some schrapnel right below his eye and has a small scar.. nothing serious but close enough.

So far this deployment.. we've been really lucky(knock on wood) where what he is doing he doesn't really go out the wire much. He went once because they were short a medic and they needed someone who knew what they were doing and knew would have their back. They asked my hubby. Of course he went.. but didn't tell me til after he got back(good idea).

When I first read the email it was like 3am.. I had waken up for some reason and when I wake up in the middle of the night I also check my email to see if he wrote. I guess at 3am it didn't really sink in.

It wasn't til I was awake and driving in the car on my way to work that it really hit me

Now I know it's bad to think the negative and think "what if" but I couldn't stop myself.. I totally opened the floodgate. When ASM2's boyfriend was killed it didn't effect me like this. I guess cause he was in a different unit and it somehow seemed not so close to home. I felt bad and felt extremely sad for her.

However, this was his unit. This was his friend. He could've been in that Stryker. That could've been him. It really is that random with just the luck of the draw. I started crying in the car, thinking all these terrible things about what my life would be like if he was gone from it. I almost had to pull over. I know it's taboo and I try not to think about it but I just couldn't help myself. All day I was a mess.

I got home and emailed the hub . I told him everything above , how I freaked out in the car, how much i loved him and the whole nine. I'm sure that was an email he needed right at that moment.

Not more than 10 minutes later I get a text message to my phone with one of those little urgent flags that said..

"I love you too, don't worry"

My hubby.. man of many words.
Hopefully he'll call soon.

RIP~Spec. William McMillan III
You will be missed- gone but never forgotten.


KJ said...

I'm very sorry to hear about your husbands friend. The freak outs happen... you're not alone. *Hugs*

Anchored Away said...

Hugs. I know that's hard for them and for you, too.

Jamie said...

wow, that's close to home. i'm familiar with the "what if" freakouts. if you need to talk or anything, i'm here for ya.

Armygurl said...

Well hey..I actually had the pleasure to meet this guy once. He was funny, full of life and a real genuinely nice guy. So sad that this happened to a fellow medic...from the unit I was once apart of. I know how difficult it can be on your end as well. When my husband left for Iraq, I told him to never call me if he was injured. I'd rather not know til he was home. It was just something I couldn't prepare myself for, so why do it? And every time someone rang the bell at my house, my heart sank for just a sec. I told my friends I would rather they walk right in then put me through that. It's something as a military member and spouse that never gets easier, and never goes away. My heart goes out to that family and his unit. What a sad day this is indeed.

trying said...

my heart breaks for Spec McMillian and esp. his family.

Freak outs happen to even the most together military wife. hang in there mama.

Mrs. Staff Sergeant said...

That's so scary.

I think I'd be freaking out a little right now too. Just try and take it one day at a time...

Ann M. said...

So sad for Spec. William McMillan's family.

I think you had a totally normal, and completely sane reaction to what happened. It changes your perspective and how you look at what he's doing there. I'm glad that you sent him that email. It may have been hard for him to read parts of it, but it's good that he knows how you feel--and from the message he sent back, that he understands completely.

Just keep breathing.

wendy said...

I am so sorry to hear about your hubby's friend. That is so scary. I hope you are sleeping better today...