Sunday, August 3, 2008

Dis-illusionment

So apparently this deployment is starting to take its toll on my hubby.
It's not so much the deployment itself, it's the politics of the deployment.
So much so ..he is thinking of not re-enlisting.

Now this coming from the hub is not a good sign. He is one of those people who is very HOOAH Army. As much as he bitches and complains, he loves the Army and is always one of those guys trying to convince other people to stay in. He wanted to be a lifer.

Apparently not anymore.... and that makes me sad.

I want to type more about it but for fear of getting him in trouble I'll give no real details and just bitch from my point of view.

Don't get me wrong.. I love being an Army Wife but I could go either way with it.. but to see my hubby so confused and disillusioned about something that he loves and was going to make a career out of ,make him so miserable makes me sad.

What about me.. am I dis-illusioned.????

Hell yeah I am.

I've been annoyed with this Deployment since before he left.

Let's start with the FRG.
There has been no support here on the homefront for the wives left behind here.Our FRG has basically been non-existant. I do not know a single wife of any of the soldiers my hubby deployed with. Not a single one... all my friends I met because of my daughter. All of their husbands are deployed but all in different units from each other. Their FRGs are also non-existant.

This week I get an email saying we are having a "Half way through Deployment BBQ" then a voicemail about it. Are you kidding me? These are the first things I've got since January.

JANUARY PEOPLE.

Am I wrong to be annoyed by this? What about the emails just emailing to check in. Making sure I'm still alive and didn't fall into a deep depression. Isn't that what the FRG is for? I see them on TV bringing cake and welcoming new people. I got shit. I'm going to this picnic thing. Part of me wants to go to just tell someone off and tell them how half ass I think this whole thing is. The other half actually just wants to see WTF is actually going on here.

Here's my bitching part!

~I'm tired of him constantly getting shit on.
~I'm tired of him constanty getting overlooked for promotion over that past 5 years because of an injury . An injury that happened the LAST time he was in Iraq and once he returned ,was not allowed to go to his physical therapy appointments to heal properly.
~I'm tired of the lack of support the Army gives their soldiers and their families here.
~I'm tired of him not being able to call home in 22 days.
~I'm tired of the bullshit that I have to deal with on a daily basis.
~I'm tired of feeling the ramifications of shit over there when I've done nothing but stay here and be a good wife. How fair is that. I feel like I'm being punished for no reason.
~I'm annoyed that my daughter will not know who her Daddy is when he gets back and only knows him now by a picture on the wall that she blows kisses to every night before bed.

Seriously, I've had it. Had it with Hawaii, this unit, this deployment, this FRG.
I know I signed up for this when I got married but part of this bullshit I definitely didn't expect.

Sorry, for the tyraid.
I'm feeling very Italian mafioso hostile today, and I know whose bed I'd like to put a horse's head in.

Beware of a Jersey girl on a rampage!

2 comments:

The Mrs. said...

I know exactly what your talking about. Exactly. I'm so glad you posted about it because I've been feeling the same way and havent written it out b/c I dont know how to say it.

Hubs just hit 11 years, he just did a contract for three more, that takes him to 14 and all he wants is to just walk away. He's a Marine thru and thru, I wish he could just do his job and be appreciated for the great Marine he is. But it doesnt work out that way often does it?

I feel for you. I know what its like to take the brunt and its hard, especially when your home doing some heavy lifting of your own.

If you ever need to vent more my email is on my profile. (I too dont want to put it all out there out in the open)

Like I said we are going thru this here too and its HARD.

A Soldier's Wife..... said...

Your words do not reflect those of the minority, trust me. I have and do feel this way, even after 20 years and wonder why the hell we are still doing it. Job security, I don't know, kids going to college next year...braces, you name it, I can give you a thousand excuses why we continued to do it...but in the face of what is shaping up to be one very long career ahead of most service members, my advise, get out. If it were us, facing what most younger families are, if it were 10 years ago...in our lives, we would never have remained in.

Now that does not mean to say he does not love what he does....he is and will always be a soldier through and through, but it has not been an easy life, nor does it continue to be one....I thought when the deployment (each one) ended that things would change, and they did, they just didn't always change for the better....disillusioned is exactly what I am....and continue to be.

My heart goes out to you, to the mrs. to all out there who are enduring this life below the ability to retire...

Change will not come fast enough to make the difference because too many people just do not take the time to care and do the right thing by the spouses. I do not care what the Army Family Covenant says....what General Casey and his wife profess about taking care of the families...it is a show, when the real change happens, it will be reflected in the eyes of those who matter the most, the disillusioned soldiers and families who pay dearly with time lost, with children who don't know their parents, with couples who don't have the ability to reconnect before the next deployment pulls them apart.

If you need someone to listen, someone who knows what you are going through, do not hesitate to contact me through my blog...just as the mrs. stated....remember you truly are not alone simply because your FRG is a failure....most are, regardless of what they profess.